Tuesday, August 26, 2008

Michael Phelps Mania!!

What the fuck is up with all this Michael Phelps mania? The world cannot get enough of this guy. I’ve heard terms like “a Phelpsian lifestyle” being thrown around. What the fuck is a Phelphsian lifestyle?! Eating fast food and swimming? Sounds like every elementary school kid in America. Speaking of fast food, when they asked Phelps what kind of sponsor he’d like now that he is uber famous, he said, “fast food would be cool.” What the fuck? Someone please educate this half-wit! Fast food is toxic! Childhood obesity, now linked to childrens colon cancer, is one of the greatest health threats to our youth, due to processed foods and fast food marketing. The chlorine has gone to his head. They call him the greatest Olympic athlete ever. What about people that do decathlons? In swimming, one has the chance to win so many golds because there are so many strokes- not the case in other sports. After NBCs sappy over-the-top coverage of him and his mom, the backlash began. I’ve heard him called a “flapping farmhand” and his face and demeanor compared to Simple Jack and Dustin Diamond. Ouch. Don’t get me wrong- I appreciate and admire athleticism. Working on ones body and reaching a goal is (almost) as noble as the arts and intellectual pursuits. But the world’s obsession with the concept of winning and losing seems archaic to me. I’m calling for the End of Sport altogether. Half the world is a war zone, babies are dying, the planet is being raped, and we humans are obsessed over who moves their arms and legs through the water 1/100th of a second faster than the other. It doesn’t fucking matter. Insanity.


pipecock said...

i'm guessing you havent done much competitive swimming. winning 8 medals is outrageously hard, hence no one doing it before. he is the best in the world at those things. imagine a decathalon athelete medaling in all those events in an individual basis. impossible, no?

Pizza Big_BANG said...

Yeah I'm gonna eat some Panda Express, and do a couple of laps at 24 hour fitness. See what I come up with. I figure if it goes well, in four years I'll give him a run for his money. I can pound Wendy's baconators all day long and just chill in pool for the rest of my life. The only problem is if I actually place in the 2012 Olympics, and they take a picture of me I won't look as good as him cause my teeth are in proportion to my head size.

But all kidding aside folks, I love this guy honestly.